Learn From Yesterday, Live For Today, Look To Tomorrow…..Until You Realize None Of It Matters

dark-roadRoad to Tomorrow
If you are looking for a post that is uplifting and will feel you with hope, then you might as well stop reading.

I have read a number of articles that say if your marriage can survive infidelity then it can be stronger than ever.  I am here to tell you that what they say is all crap.  Your marriage will never be as strong as it once was, ever.  In fact, your marriage is dead and gone.  You might as well just give up on it.  Why?  Your marriage is gone because the people who married are gone.  They both die the minute the affair happens.  The trusting fun loving couple is no more.  Her, not worrying about where you are for a few hours, is gone.  He will second guess every move he makes for fear of triggering her, instead of just being able to enjoy his time.  She will never treat him the same and he will never treat her the same.  They are two people thrown together in an arranged marriage.  They will have to discover who these two new people are and if they can live/love each other ever again.

The sweet guy who would bend over backwards for his wife has been replaced by a selfish SOB that she does not recognize.  Even worse is the recognition that the wife will never be the same again.  She will never be the the trusting fun loving wife that he married.  She was killed as a result of the affair, an unknowing casualty.   The “fun mom”, the sexy wife (just for him), the beautiful woman he wakes up next to, that person is dead; replaced with a woman who is competing with a fantasy and distorted image of a woman with no hope of winning because it isn’t real.  What she sees or thinks will never be real, and it will be her own worst enemy.

We, as cheating assholes, don’t fare much better (at least not if we are remorseful).  We live a fantasy, that for the briefest of moments, we talked ourselves into believing is real.  Once that shattered, parts of us went with it.  I don’t know who I am anymore.  I used to be this person that everyone loved, looked up to, and was everything my wife wanted.  I am just a farce, a fake, a grade ‘A’ conman.  Everyone sees my exterior without understanding what is underneath.  This can make it hard at times, because very few people know and they still have those inflated opinions of who I am.  I am still supposed to be that great person, but each time it comes up in a situation, I feel myself die a little more inside, knowing that I am not who they believe I am.  I sometimes wonder if being shunned by all of society would make living with myself a little easier.

I cannot tell you what to do or how to make it better.  Three years later and I still feel like I am still trying to just make it through a lot of my days.  I deeply regret what I did and I work tirelessly to protect her and help her heal.  I see things all over that are constant reminders of what a shitty person I am and I have no one to share those with because I don’t want those same things to become triggers for her.  So I swallow them down and die a little more each time it happens.  I constantly feel like I am one fight or mistake from her getting tired of me.  We cannot seem to even be able to work through the issues that led to the affair so I feel frustrated, without hope, and worthless.

I just keep thinking that I only need to make it one more day.  Tomorrow will be better, and then I am reminded by that very childish voice in my head that tomorrow never comes.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, look to tomorrow, rest this afternoon.
― Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown’s Little Book of Wisdom

charlie-brown

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About bac4sccr

I am just a run of the mill, ever day father/husband who is just trying to navigate my way back to where I want to be. Unfortunately there isn't an "Easy" button or a "Reset" button or I would be hitting them repeatedly. This is just my journey from my perspective.
Aside | This entry was posted in Coffee Affair, November 2017 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

93 Responses to Learn From Yesterday, Live For Today, Look To Tomorrow…..Until You Realize None Of It Matters

  1. The post is a Reality check.I am sure you have got too many advices so I will keep this short. I know how helpless it feels when u see your relationship fall like a palace of cards, but the very fact that you recognize it and trying to place the cards back is a good move …don’t look back to what you had ….look ahead to what new u can have. We all grow and change with time …embrace her and leave your guilt behind ……..it takes two ppl to make a relationship …talk and c where u can take urs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. avesha17 says:

    This was a very interesting perspective from the “cheater”. I find very few articles written from this perspective.
    This statement – “if your marriage can survive infidelity then it can be stronger than ever” is one that has haunted me for almost two years now.
    I chose to leave my cheating husband/best friend and when I read that statement my first thought is “oh bullshit” and then of course my mind goes “hmmm, maybe”. But the truth is…even if this were true and some people’s relationships magically grew stronger from their husband or wife being with another person and all the lies, deceit, manipulation, disrespect and lack of morals made you stronger..it wouldn’t have for me.
    There is a lot that goes into an affair and there is no way I could ever look at him the same, and he knew that!
    I often wonder what keeps people together when something so hideous is done to you? How do you ever look at them the same? And if you don’t then why bother?
    Affairs break your soul, it’s that simple.
    It touches every single aspect of your life and changes you in so many ways. What’s the point of hanging on to something that is so broken the other person was prompted to stray?

    Liked by 3 people

    • bac4sccr says:

      Nothing and no one is ever the same again. I agree it breaks you down to the core. It rips you to pieces and there is never a chance to be whole again.

      I guess the reason people stay is they had something so good at some point they believe there is a chance to get it back. Or at least something similar.

      Then again, I am not the best person to answer those questions, especially not at this moment.

      Liked by 2 people

    • OJ's Pride says:

      I agree with you dear. Infidelity in marriage breaks a soul beyond repair.

      Like

  3. OJ's Pride says:

    👏👏👏👏 Greatly written! Amazing points made. A marriage can never be the same when an infidelity takes over. Couples try to keep it together, but to no avail. Because both loving & caring husband & wife who got married are gone, and now just total strangers who spites one another.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Like

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