Whenever I Get Too Happy Something Bad Always Happens…Too Bad It Doesn’t Work In Reverse

Disclaimer:  This is an unedited post with multiple disjointed thoughts made by me in my current state of delusion

I was thinking late last night, as I lay awake knowing sleep was not going to come easy, about happiness and about our perception of happiness.  We all say we want to be happy.  We do things and be with people who are supposed to make us happy.  We find help and take pills to achieve some conditioned level of happiness that society says we should be at.  As I was laying there I wondered if you can ever achieve happiness.

I know you are probably thinking I have lost my mind, which is probably true, but hear me out.  I think many of us think of happiness as a destination.  We think of it as something to be earned or achieved.  Once we have happiness it is ours to lose.  We have finally got it. Then we see other people and we notice how happy they are in their life.  The social media portraying droves of happy people.  All of a sudden we are sitting outside “Happyville” we wonder where it went and why we can’t get there. We ask ourselves why doesn’t our lives look or feel like those?  We eventually figure it is because we have haven’t achieved happiness.

Unfortunately, I think chasing happiness is a fruitless pursuit.  You will never catch it.  You will never reach Happyville.  For some of you, I am now confirming your suspicions that I am crazy.  You believe you are happy.  You think you have reached Happyville.  Well, I am glad you believe you have made it.  If you don’t mind would you please pass along the Kool-aid or whatever you are drinking.  Then again if you have read a lot of my blog you could probably recognize that my grasp on abstract ideas and feelings is not very good.  So bear with me.

So why can’t you make it to Happyville?  Why doesn’t it exist?  I believe this is rooted in the concept of happiness itself.  If you think about the things that make you happy, how many of those things are concrete things.  How many of them are things that are easily explained or identifiable?  I would bet that there are not many of those things and the few that you can think of are not long lasting.  When you were a kid how many presents did you receive that made you truly happy?  How many did you think would make you happy if you got them only to realize later that it was only a brief moment of happiness?

I know I am asking a lot of questions without explaining a lot but it is because I am not very experienced in this area.  Here is what I am thinking happiness is:  It is not a destination but a journey.  It is the path that you choose everyday.  It is the environment you put yourself in because it creates an atmosphere of happiness.  It is the things you do everyday and how you perceive them.  Happiness is us striving to achieve.  If you are striving to be happy and suddenly find yourself happy can you stop doing the work that got you there.  Or was the work you did to become happy actually what made you feel that way?  Is the journey more important than the destination?

Lets look at this in the context of a relationship.  When we are alone and looking for friends, lovers, and people to surround us, do we focus on them or ourselves.  I am sure it is a little of both but I bet we spend most of the time looking at ourselves.  We try and make ourselves more attractive to potential mates.  We make ourselves more likable to people whom we want to become friends.    We focus on making us better.  Yet, when we get those relationships do we continue to put in the same effort?  I doubt it.  So we stop making the effort that got us the things which made us “happy”.

Where does this get us?  It gets us looking around wondering why everyone else is so much happier than we are.  Why does her husband still treat her like they are first dating?  Why does she still flirt with him and carry herself like she is in the first weeks of a relationship even though they have been married for years.  Why can’t we be like that?  Why because happiness is in the journey.  It is in the chase, the excitement knowing you are always on someone’s mind.  The fleeting illicit thoughts of what happened the night before.  It is in the decision not to be content with what you have but to continue to chase what you have always wanted.  Even when she is with you the entire way.  Happiness is something that the more you look for the less you will have because you only see what you are missing.

I think I am afraid to be happy because whenever I get too happy, something bad always happens.  – Charlie Brown

charlie-brown

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About bac4sccr

I am just a run of the mill, ever day father/husband who is just trying to navigate my way back to where I want to be. Unfortunately there isn't an "Easy" button or a "Reset" button or I would be hitting them repeatedly. This is just my journey from my perspective.
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21 Responses to Whenever I Get Too Happy Something Bad Always Happens…Too Bad It Doesn’t Work In Reverse

  1. Same thing happens to me too! I am also very afraid to be happy so much because I fear something bad would happen next..But we should keep ourselves happy..after all we are the very first ones who should find happiness in what we do and get..I hope that helps..

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: Whenever I Get Too Happy Something Bad Always Happens…Too Bad It Doesn’t Work In Reverse – Living In A World Of Wonder

  3. Tried to reblog this but the post came out blank so I deleted it 😕 but this is so true, I feel like there’s always something waiting to destroy that sense of happiness you get. It’s scary to even feel it because it doesn’t even last…

    Liked by 2 people

    • bac4sccr says:

      I had to approve the reblog but it should work now if you still want to reblog it.

      Thanks for the comment and I agree. I am moving back to where I was for so long where it is easier to not feel anything than to let in the disappointment for brief moments of “happyville”.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. There was a time when anything good sent me into a tailspin as I waited for the other shoe to drop. Then I decided to take control of my happiness instead of waiting to let other people bring it to me. I’ve had mixed results but as a whole, I’ve been much happier, more able to be optimistic and less affected by the ups and downs of daily life. It mostly comes from being brave and saying ‘no’.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Well, I like your honesty. Happiness is attainable, but it is not static. Once I decided (and I stress the word decided) that I could be content with whatever situation I found myself, I discovered the ability to turn around my “down” times. My perceptions defined by reality. The old question of “Is the glass half full or half empty?” example. Hopefully, this doesn’t seem too simplistic for you. It takes a great deal of effort to not play in the mud of our minds.

    Liked by 4 people

  6. The Twentysomething Social Recluse says:

    I’ve never thought about happiness like that, but I agree with you. A lot of happiness is artificial. Great post!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. It’s extremely rare for me to relate to anything so profoundly. I’m glad I came across this. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Dear friend,

    Happiness under the control of mind is just an illusion – and the other way round as well. Often we “buy” happiness in fulfilling somes wishes and are then for short time “happy” – happy with the new car, happy with the delicious dinner we were served, happy with some romantic happenings and so on. I believe that inside we are searching for a kind of permanent happiness but fail to catch it – with the help of our mind. What if we become neutral against prize and criticism – against good and bad things – so that we are untouchted by them? To give up our ego and make space for some higher horizont, as a tool of the ocean of all consciousness… and to see good and bad things just like a reflection, reaction, like an echo of our past thoughts, words and deeds…

    Thanks for sharing and have a nice day
    Didi

    Liked by 1 person

    • bac4sccr says:

      If we become untouchable then how do we enjoy the highs of the good things and the range of emotions we get with the bad things.

      I have been untouchable. Nothing phased me, good or bad. I was the same day in and day out. I was in control and was there with all the answers. Then something clicked, or exploded, and now I am just trying not to drown some days in all the things I kept from touching me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dear friend,

        Answer in few words is not possible for this subject. But once you are fully “empty” with your attention 24 hours absorbed in God then you become a tool of Him – I personally know some people who have become these kind of perfect disciples of God, called Gurmukhs – they have given all their blood for the Mission of God and did not know even what means privacy. It is possible, but it is very hard since our mind is controlling us. So first we have to bring our mind under control (in thoughts, words and deeds) – happiness is still there, but no longer a short-term happiness, but a permanent happiness, not meant for worldly affairs, to be happy when God gives you some tasks which you fulfil or when you see that there is only one doer, God, and how the power is working (this gives you happiness too) We think that we are the doers, the actors, but I give an example: The shadow thinks it is moving – but it is the light that moves the shadow… In this kind of state you reach a condition to be all the time happy, happy as God in you is all the time also working (to be in the will of God). With ego and mind in us we will be on the roller-coaster, on the ups and downs, sad and happy from time to time, our mind that is changing its colours like a chamelion (sometimes angry, sometimes happy, sometimes greedy, sometimes lustful and in all shades and colours which we know from our mind)

        If you are interested in getting more information I can provide you with some pdf-books to read. When our mind gets still, then we can feel that there is something unexplainable, something without words, allowing us to enter into a higher state of consciousness.

        Anyway, thank you very much also for your answer.
        Didi

        Like

  9. laurah5107 says:

    You alone are responsible for your own happiness. Or so I am constantly told. We should not derive our happiness from external sources. Unfortunately, as a parent I have found that I cannot feel happiness when one of my children is suffering in any way.
    As I’ve aged I’ve discovered that true ‘happiness’ is a very fleeting emotion.
    What one truly seeks is a feeling of peace and contentment with their life.
    It’s having a pod of dolphins surrounding you as you kayak in the peaceful silence of morning in the Gulf, or watching my daughter gallop her horses through the fields at cross country competition, or ‘talking’ to my 15 mo old grandson as he excitedly babbles at me, watching him take his first steps was joyous too. Sitting around a beach bonfire with friends at night drinking wine and chatting.
    My life is comfortable. I’m at peace in life.
    The art of life is learning to let go.

    Liked by 1 person

    • bac4sccr says:

      It is hard to get go of things that are constantly looking you in the face. The amount of reminders to the betrayal are difficult to get past. Maybe one day I will go through the day without the reminders and find those feelings you describe.

      Like

      • laurah5107 says:

        I understand completely. I’ve had 33 years to ‘let go’ of affair that has never been admitted to or discussed. For the first 2 years, it was never far from my mind, I was always depressed, I allowed his actions to destroy my self-worth.
        The affair ended, he believed everything was great with our life. I was still trying to figure out how to handle this ‘thing’ – When I had caught him on something during the affair – her on the house phone with him, him going in to work on a Saturday (she worked for him) he would just say it was ‘work’, like that accounted for her calling our house at 11 pm and talking for 2 hours on Sunday.
        I dealt with my emotions poorly. Alcohol in vast quantities, bulimia & anorexia, cutting, and over-spending (got my Amex to $150,000 traveling with daughter, horses and her trainer).
        Slowly, over a number of years, I began to seek peace and find the joy and contentment with my life, and to let go of old feelings and emotions that I no longer wanted to control my life.
        I discovered I no longer give a rat’s ass if everyone approves of the way I live my life. I had gotten to the point where I no longer cared what my husband did as long as it didn’t impact me or the kids.
        Before affair, I refused to let him buy a motorcycle and God forbid! get hurt. Now – he’s got $1M+ life insurance and a Harley.
        He has diabetes but he drinks way too much. I occasionally mention that he’s not supposed to drink but I’m not going to force him to stop.
        Sad really. At one time I couldn’t imagine living without him.
        Before you think I’m a heartless bitch though – through the years when I have mentioned the employee he had the affair with he has smiled and “Best employee I ever had”.
        I’d shoot him but he’s not worth prison time.

        Liked by 1 person

        • bac4sccr says:

          I understand more than you think and I don’t think your heartless. I see someone who has found a way to cope and survive a bad situation. I learned a bit ago that it is not my place to judge. Everyone and every situation is different and no one really knows how they will react until they are in the same situation.

          I do have one question – why not just leave?

          Like

  10. I am reading your blog backwards, which is a little nonsensical. I will go back to the beginning and start it properly but this entry peaked my interest so here I am.

    I am quite independent. I don’t hanker after other peoples company. That’s just the way I am. It’s the way I’ve always been. I am fairly self-sufficient. In my younger days it was because the only person I could rely on was myself. That isn’t the case anymore but I am still fairly self-sufficient and I do all my relationships of all kinds on my terms. I am far more gregarious than I used to be but it is still within my rules. This is part of my happiness. The other was to disintangle myself from materialism. Something enforced on me because I sacrificed well paid work for a job I adore that doesn’t pay as much. I’ve been a lot happier since that and getting rid of access to mainstream tv. I loathe commercialism and the negativity of news streaming that aims to eat away at us by making us want to buy things and make us worry about things we cannot change.

    I stopped looking for the end point – Happyville. I don’t believe the destination exists because the destination is the journey. I realised this about 10 years ago. But it’s only been in the last couple of years or so that I have truly begun to revel in that realisation. Which again is where I am now. This life I lead now is so different to my previous one I barely recognise myself but I feel like I have reached a milestone along that happiness journey, that this is a me I need to experience and I enjoy and I learn from now, so that whatever is at the next crossroads will be equally as good, but perhaps another completely different experience.

    I disentangled myself from anything that rooted me to the spot so that I could seize those opportunities. I am very transient. If I had to move cities tomorrow I could pick myself up and do it theoretically speaking. I have entirely engineered it that way. I didn’t want to build the constructs of committed relationships, mortgages, 9-5, 5 day a week jobs around me. I couldn’t be rooted like that because it doesn’t make me happy. I realise I am in an enviable position for some. Others want to nest and put down roots but I simply cannot do it. My brother has settled just 8 doors down from my parents. He’s lived in the same village his entire life. I couldn’t wait to leave and haven’t settled properly since then – 26 years later. Happiness is a state of mind, but that makes finding it harder than ever because you can’t just buy it, you have to realise the journey.

    Anyway, getting back to the point, yes I totally understand your point about when things go well you expect something bad to happen. Lots of people do this. We all think we’re the only one then we realise we are not. Peoples brains are weird things. Even though I am now out of those negative thought cycles, something it took me years to achieve, because, well, happiness, I still look over my shoulder when things go well, waiting for Karma to come and bite me on the arse for something bad I did. I am not a bad person in many ways but in others I probably am (my blog will demonstrate that). So right now, I am waiting for something I really need. I am waiting for the decision any day. And I am also looking over my shoulder and anticipating that I will fail because my recent blogs will tell you I am doing bad things. It’s a state of mind surely, the world doesn’t work like that does it? Well who knows. Maybe the bad things I am doing aren’t actually bad in the great scheme of things and maybe the outcome of the thing I currently want so badly will tell me either way. Who knows if that even makes sense. Like you I am just spewing this straight out and hoping I don’t sound like a raving lunatic. 😀

    Like

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