Well, I just finished my post a mere few thousand words and then stupidly closed the browser. Now I don’t really want to spend the time to write it again. So I guess we can see if a picture is worth a thousand words.
I was writing about me possibly going back to counseling but I really don’t think I would get anything out of it. Who wants to relive their childhood and my self-worth and self-esteem don’t really seem that important compared to my wife’s right now.
I was also writing about how I don’t think I can heal until I get my wife well on her own path of life that will make her happy. I have drug her along my path long enough. She needs to be happy. My path ended a while ago and I am in no position to blaze a new trail. So instead I will help her down her path and be there when she needs me. There was a bunch of other self-loathing gibberish but really I don’t feel worth the effort. I need to spend my energy wisely and right now that is on her.
I want to be this for her. I need to be this for her. I need to be this for us. I know she is for me even though I don’t deserve it.