I have been sitting here contemplating on writing or not. The roller coaster continues and I still have not realized that the steering wheel in the front seat actually doesn’t do anything.
Today is no different. I want control but I am not going to get it. **Cue comments that I need to get rid of my control issues. If only I had control over that**
I was listening to the radio this morning on my drive to work and they said a couple of things that got me thinking. For some reason, people have this need to try and make people who feel bad, feel better. We see someone down on themselves and we will go out of our way to do something nice or give them words of inspiration. Hell, that is why a lot of people are on wordpress. They are looking for reassurance that things are not always going to be bad. I tried to think of all the things that I have heard since this started which people have said to me in order to make me feel better or at least not so hopeless.
Just hang in there
For every pile of shit there is an opportunity to fertilize a new seed
There is harmony in disharmony
Behind the clouds, the sun is shining
It could be worse
It will be worse
Feeling bad is just a new sensation
Tomorrow is another day
I will survive
Every cloud has a silver lining
There is a light at the end of the tunnel
After the rain comes a rainbow
It’s always darkest before the dawn
It has to get worse, before it gets better
Every rose has its thorn
Midnight is where the day begins
Cheer up, it’s not the end of the world
This too, shall pass
Life’s not so bad, when you consider the alternative
The sharper is the berry, the sweeter is the wine
I am not really sure why these kind of bother me, maybe it is the impersonal nature of each but they do bug me. It isn’t that I don’t feel grateful for them taking their time to reach out to me and basically tell me that they know it sucks but they also know that things will change. What people like me fail to see is that we are the ones in charge of that change (I know another control issue). We are the ones who help decide whether the change is a positive one or a negative one. We get to decide how we react and respond to each and every situation. Some of you may find this funny but part of one of my jobs is to motivate people to do better, to fight through adversity. I spend a lot of time teaching people how to re-frame negative situations. You take something that did not go they way you expected or hoped and you try and find the positive piece in it. I have never seen a case where I could not find a positive. You then make that the focus of their energy. Take that one positive and then expanding on it. If you have one positive in this situation can you make two positives out of the next. This is a skill that can be taught and all you are doing is changing the focus from the negative aspects of a situation to the positive aspects. I don’t dismiss or even play down the importance of the negatives, but I work on shifting them to understand that this is an opportunity for growth. When you are 100% successful all the time it is difficult to get better because you can learn so much more from failure than you can with success. You can use lists or texts or journals to track all the positives in a situation. One of the main tricks is that it needs to be written down and then shared. It creates ownership of what they are actually trying to convince themselves of believing. If you have to sell it to someone else you have to get yourself to believe most of it yourself.
Why am I writing this today? I don’t know. I just felt like it is something that others may use. Maybe I just wanted to show what a hypocrite I am because I cannot practice what I preach. Then again, maybe that is why I cannot do it. I know all about it. I know how to convince people to shift their focus, so I also know that in the end it does not change anything. For example, you could take someone who has recently lost their job. They are stressed and depressed because of this perceived failure. They see all their flaws and why they did not succeed. So I come in and show them that this is actually an opportunity to make a change for the better. Maybe the old job was holding them back or maybe you really were not happy with the work environment. It really does not matter, you can show them that this is an opportunity that they can mold into whatever it is they want to make of it. They can learn new skills, find a healthier work environment, and a more stable job. The key point is that it is their opportunity and they are in control of what they make of it. If they can focus on making the most of the opportunity then they see this as a more positive adjustment.
What I know is that nothing really has changed. You have the same problems and the same issues you had before you met me, I just put on the right color of lenses. This makes it so much harder for me to buy into all the positivity. So instead I try to focus on what I see as reality (I will be honest in knowing that I really struggle know what is real and what is not). All the good and all the bad. For right now it just seems like the bad always outweighs the good. I can stare at the good and talk about it all I want but I still see the negativity surrounding everything. It could be a clearer view of the world than everyone else has, I don’t know, but I do know that it is how I view everything.
As I said I really don’t know why I was writing today. Maybe it was just to share a positive message, to tell people that there is hope you just have to put on the blinders and focus on it. There is always another chance, no matter what you think, you just have to decide if you will ride it into the negativity or the positivity.