I Wish I Could Help Him….

shadow-man

Who are you?  

I think this to myself as I stare at the person.

He only stares back, possibly thinking the same thing.

I know I recognize him so I don’t want to say anything to show that I cannot remember who he is.

I can see he is looking as though he is worn down.

His road has not been an easy one and it has worn on him tremendously.

He has that lost look in his eyes.

The look that says he is not sure what direction he came from nor does he know where he is going.

I am not even sure he knows where he is right at this moment.

We continue to stare at each other with neither of us saying a word.

The anger burning inside of him is only slightly evident.

I am surprised I can even tell it is there, but for some reason I know.

I feel a connection that tells me of his anger, the rage he aims towards himself.

He knows he is the only one who has put him where he is at now.

He knows of the people he drug along with him unwillingly.

The hurt he caused them only fuels this anger.

I try and look away but every time I look back he is there looking back at me.

I look closer and see his hands are slightly trembling.

I wonder what can cause someone to shake like that.

What life has this person led to make him shake?

Then it hits you, he looks like a man carrying a significant burden.

He is worn down from carrying the weight of his guilt and shame.

He shakes from the anxiety he has every day.

I can see the anxiety on his face.

Worrying that those who he hurt and who are also close to him, will leave him alone.

I can see that is his ultimate fear.

He is scared to be alone.

What would he do?

Who would he become then?

I do not have those answers and it saddens me that I cannot help this man.

I wish I could tell him it is going to be alright, but he will never believe me.

I wish I could take him over and make him see the brighter side of life he is missing.

Instead I look until I cannot take anymore of his hurt, his anger, his disappointment, his shame and guilt.

I finally decide I have had enough, so I walk away from the mirror…

mirror

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About bac4sccr

I am just a run of the mill, ever day father/husband who is just trying to navigate my way back to where I want to be. Unfortunately there isn't an "Easy" button or a "Reset" button or I would be hitting them repeatedly. This is just my journey from my perspective.
Aside | This entry was posted in Coffee Affair, October 2015 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to I Wish I Could Help Him….

  1. rac says:

    This is beautiful💙 I totally get it.
    Share those fears, you might find the peace you wish for.

    rac

    Liked by 2 people

    • What a beautiful piece you have written about yourself AND everyone else. That man is everything you have described and SO much more. Some of those lines on his face are laugh lines from all the times he gave and received love. You can see the faint light in his eyes that glows from the hope and determination he has for a happy future. He wears his heartache AND his joy beautifully. ❤️

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Is that you in the mirror or some mad photoshop skills?

    Like

  3. Ahdad says:

    Well written and thought provoking…

    Like

  4. KP says:

    That dissonance in the mirror, you expressed it so very well. No matter the reason(s) behind our pain, or the pain we’ve caused. This is such an unsettling, dissension of self. Thank you.

    Like

  5. Your honesty and openness are refreshing. I hope you can come to a place where you can forgive yours
    and find some peace. Blessings!

    Like

  6. Asahela says:

    This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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