We Are All A Little Weird And Life’s A Little Weird…..That Is The Understatement Of The Century

Weird2

I have been dreading writing about my life currently.  Not because anything is going wrong. Things are actually going pretty good, very good actually.  And there lies in the problem.  What goes up must come down.  The trick is how long can I ride this wave and when it does dive, can I keep it from falling too far.

I am surprised things have been going so well as we have had a few bumps.  In fact 5 days ago I was probably miserable, self-imposed of course, and now this quick I feel good again.  It is weird because I have had 3 major things not really go the way I was expecting and not in my favor so I would expect things to be on the decline but they are not.  I feel pretty good and I think I know why.  It is my wife.

Last week, all the way until Friday I was not enjoying life and I was incredibly frustrated.  I was thinking that I would save talking to her about it until we were in counseling together.  I did this not because I needed mediation but because I was worried that I could not get my point across without becoming flustered or her becoming hurt and me backtracking quickly.  So we went to counseling last Thursday and what happens?  My lovely wife, I do love her to death, tries to protect me from counseling.  What do I mean?

Well, the last two sessions I have felt like they have been very focused on me and it was incredibly uncomfortable and depressing.  I told her how hard it was to want to go back knowing that I have been the focus of attention for the last two weeks and probably will be again.  I did say that I still wanted to go back though.  So when we got in there she told the counselor how hard the last two sessions were on me and how I did not want this session to be focused on me.  So what happens?  We spend the session discussing what made me uncomfortable and why I have been having a bad couple of weeks.  So while in trying to shield me from the focus of therapy she actually re-shifted it back on to me.  I know she meant well and she was just trying to protect me.

After the session she felt bad because she recognized that the session was again focused on me.  I was still upset about the other things that I had wanted to talk about but did not get to talk about.  On Friday we talked about it and I got enough courage to talk to her about what was bothering me and about counseling.

With the counseling I told her that I did not need her to try to protect me in there.  It is going to suck and it is going to be uncomfortable, but I am assuming that is how we are going to grow and get better.  We have to confront the things that we don’t want to talk about or deal with.  So, I know she meant well, but she has to let it go and know that some days I will have a bad day after counseling but in the grand scheme of things it will make us better.  She understood this and I think she knows that it will be the same for her as well on some days.

As for our other talk, well I finally told her that I was extremely frustrated by the way she was handling one part of our relationship.  I don’t think that she was purposely trying to hurt me, but it hurt each time none the less.  So I told her about it and what was so frustrating about it.  With it I have decided that I need to take a more active role in this part of our relationship.  I am trying to be vague here, but I don’t think anyone will understand with me doing that so, as with a majority of our issues, it was all sex related.

I was frustrated by how little we had been doing lately, but I might have been able to handle it except she would go to bed and tell me that she wanted to but she was too tired.  She did this 3 or 4 nights in a row.  Now as I said, I think she really believed that she was letting me know that she desired me but she really was too tired to do it.  But to me it is almost like a rejection I did not even ask for.  It was like I was just minding my own business when someone come up and says here have $100.00 and then says just kidding.  So I told her that I understand that there are days she and I will both be too tired, sick, or just feeling shitty and not wanting to do it.  I personally would rather her not tell me as she has on those days unless I bring it up.  So if I ask for it, then tell me you are too tired but don’t throw it at me unexpectedly.  She understood how I might misinterpret her intentions and so we were able to move past it.  I have felt much better since then and I have also decided that I need to be more of the aggressor.  I have not wanted to do this for fear of rejection and I am sure she has her own reservations about it as well so it has been a slippery slope to navigate.  Well, I think I am going to jump and try to make a few attempts and see how it goes.  The biggest question is going to be how I handle the first time she says no.  I am not sure how I will handle it yet, but at some point it will happen.

The other good news that happened this week is that my parents did not show up at all.  So, not replying was hopefully the best decision.  I kept expecting them one day or one night just to knock on the door.  My kids would open it and say “Hello?”.  My parents would say “Hi, were your Grand Parents!”  to which my kids would look at us with very scared and skeptical eyes and then hide in their bedrooms.  Well, none of that happened so I am happy about that and while stressful for a bit we all made it through.

So now what?  I am on the road to a successful recovery and all is going to be well.  That is a load of horse shit.  There is no recovery in this process and anyone who tells you that there is recovery is lying.  There is only rebuilding and I am not even sure that is possible because it alludes to the fact that you are building something that you once had, but that is not entirely true either.  No, you are creating a new relationship built on the remains of your old relationship.  You are taking the salvageable pieces and trying to create the best relationship you can with what is left.  The more destruction the harder it is.  So here I am, hammer and nail, screws and screw driver and I am building what I can.

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird – Dr. Seuss

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About bac4sccr

I am just a run of the mill, ever day father/husband who is just trying to navigate my way back to where I want to be. Unfortunately there isn't an "Easy" button or a "Reset" button or I would be hitting them repeatedly. This is just my journey from my perspective.
Aside | This entry was posted in Coffee Affair, July 2015 and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to We Are All A Little Weird And Life’s A Little Weird…..That Is The Understatement Of The Century

  1. Loved the last paragraph.. I once told my therapist that it’s like my marriage is a business and I took a hard blow.. do I just shut the doors and close up shop? No I look at what failed and how I can make a crappy situation work so the doors do not close..
    I am not a business owner, but one day.. maybe sooner than later now that I’m a bit fearless these days..
    What little I had in life that I clung to on this Earth got ripped from me and salvaging myself needed to come first before I gave a dam about him. Anyways sorry it’s late rambling but great last paragraph. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Let go says:

    Good! You two are talking about sex! Yay for you! She needs to understand that for you sex is how you connect intimately and you need to do whatever you can to help so that she is not so tired at night. I suggest breath mints and morning cuddles and sex. I also think you need to just appreciate life. I just saw a friend who has lost three people she loved. Two were gone without warning. Every day you can get out of bed, hug your wife and children and do a job that helps feed your family is a good day. Rejoice in it.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. fairytalefailure says:

    I hope that being open and vulnerable with each other will give you both a chance to choose to meet the other’s needs as they are expressed. It is so hard to be this way in the after math of an affair, but coming to trust each other and to depend on each other and to know that you both want to make the other happy will reaffirm that you both want to help the other through this difficult time. I can imagine how difficult it was to express any needs at this point, as you seem to have some guilt about having any needs at all after having had an affair, but that’s unrealistic, and she has chosen to stay which means she wants to love you and grow with you. I’m sure she wants the chance to meet your needs and how you both deal with the inevitable rejections will be telling for your future. Hopefully you will see them as temporary and see that you are permanently committed to each other. Either of you could have chosen permanent rejection at any point, and you haven’t. The scariest part is over. The worst she can say is “no” for one night; she has already said “yes” forever.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. My MIL, who’s passed away now, used to say we are all a bottomless pit of something. Glad you’ve got someone in your corner. It’s priceless isn’t it?

    Like

  5. Here are my two cents based on my experience:
    Pursue her. Woo her. Chase her. Court her. My husband and I had a period of time where we forgot to kiss, and I mean REALLY kiss, the intense intimate kind. He thought I didn’t want to so he didn’t try and I thought he wasn’t interested in me because he didn’t try. Sex was very sporadic. He would gently ask and if I gave the slightest resistance, he would just drop it. It made me feel undesirable. I NEEDED him to fight for me. I NEEDED to feel like I was worth extra effort. FIGHT for her. Don’t let her say no without you making SURE she knows that YOUR desire is strong enough to sustain you both. Even when we know we are loved, we NEED to feel intensely desired and for MORE than just sex. I think women often want sex as much as men, but we don’t just want to flop on our back and spread our legs. Acting a little disinterested or coy allows us to feel the excitement and passion of being chased. Yes, this might seem like games, but sometimes you just need to play. Just a thought from a wife who has DEFINITELY gotten her groove back. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  6. KcRambles says:

    It’s all about communicating. She nor you are mind readers, so if you don’t tell her and Vice versa you’ll never get nowhere. Glad you were able to leave the fear behind and open up to her. As for being the aggressor I think there’s nothing wrong with that. Maybe she’s waiting for that too.

    What comes easy goes easy. That which is worth it requires hard work, creativity and perseverance. You have the right mindset, you’re on the right track. Keep up the hard and good work.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. wishuenuf says:

    Women are like ovens..we need to get warmed up before we get cookin’. Feeling a stiff penis poking my backside while sleeping, does not count and can be quite annoying. Caressing anywhere but the ladybits is a good start. When she starts moving her hips and touching you back, I’d say she is ready. 😉

    Like

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