The Brutal Truth About Sexless Marriages

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Living in a Sexless Relationship.


Experts sound in on sexless marriage and long-term love.

Jennifer* didn’t have sex with her ex-husband on their wedding night. “I chalked it up to fatigue,” she says. But should it have been a red flag?

Well, maybe.

It’s not that it didn’t happen that one night that was the problem; it’s that it was the first of many sexless married nights. As an engaged couple, Jennifer and her fiancé were doing it about three times a week, but once they said their vows, it quickly dwindled to about once a month—sometimes less.

Some experts call marriages that average 10 rolls in the hay per year or less “sexless,” but other experts take the word more literally, like Susan Yager-Berkowitz, who coauthored (with her husband).

“If a couple is content with intimacy less than once a month, and happily married, I doubt they would refer to themselves as…

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About bac4sccr

I am just a run of the mill, ever day father/husband who is just trying to navigate my way back to where I want to be. Unfortunately there isn't an "Easy" button or a "Reset" button or I would be hitting them repeatedly. This is just my journey from my perspective.
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13 Responses to The Brutal Truth About Sexless Marriages

  1. Jeri C. says:

    Good article. The only thing not really addressed is when sex is withheld as a weapon or a means of control.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. So basically communicate with your partner if you find yourself in this position, don’t go off and cheat on them. Good advice. SW

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Udit. says:
    I was sure I’d posted this earlier, apparently, I haven’t. Do it whenever you have time!


  4. Let go says:

    The number one issue the experts look for in the demise of a marriage is condescension. Sneering at, being sarcastic too, rolling your eyes at, are all signs of condescension. From that evolves pulling away, noncommunication, less affection, and finally, affairs. If you are married to someone who has no ability to feel empathy, who has a feeling of entitlement, you should not be married to them. If you are married to someone who dearly loved you but has pulled away then both of you need to look at how you communicate. Sarcasm is the worst form of humor. The basis of it is a put down of the other person. People who brag about having a smart mouth don’t realize how easily they can push away the very people they love. Sex, or the lack of it, is then used as a weapon, especially by the one who feels helpless. Also, women who work and then do the majority of child care and housework seethe with resentment. Of course sex is off the table! Who wants to have sex with someone who sips a beer, watches tv while his wife is still putting kids to bed and doing laundry. Life is about being a grown up at some point. Romance is wonderful but having a husband run the vacuum is romantic as hell. Being exhausted at the end of the day means having cuddle time in the morning is important. Being told you are loved is too.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. smellingmint says:

    I had a sexless marriage. It was always me who asked – and sometimes I was refused. It made me feel unattractive, hopeless, frustrated. It turned me into someone strident, a little bitter. I loved my husband. I still love him now – even though he is my ex husband. And it is right he is my ex husband. Sexless marriages might be OK if both of you agree you don’t want sex. If either or both of you don’t agree they are hugely destructive. Get out and create another kind of relationship. Mine moved round the corner from me and is still a great father. I still love him and his family dearly. But he has met someone he does want to have sex with. I am very happy for him. I still have the possibility to do so. x


  6. Janet says:

    I have left my husband for this same reason, along with an addiction to pain pills. The sex stopped over two years ago when he started doing pain pills. Not sure if the sex stopped because of the pills or if he is having an affair.


  7. Bob E says:

    47 year old UK male here……I have been in a sexless marriage for 5 years now. We have been together for 30 years and married for 17. ( 3 kids ) It was always me who had to make the first move from day one. I accepted that, but about 6 years ago, my wife started refusing me sex. After being turned down for the 100th or so time, i told her, I would never approach her for sex again. Hence, the reason i have been in a sexless marriage for 5 years. it’s still my fault, I’m the one in the wrong and the one to blame, apparently. if truth be told, i have just put up with it so as not to upset my 11 year old daughter by us breaking up. But everybody has their breaking point, and for me enough is enough. I am moving out sometime over the next 4 months and starting a new life for myself and my children, and hopefully a new partner that understands how important intimacy is in a relationship.. I don’t know what the future will hold, but it can’t be any worse than how I feel right now, having put up with a sexless marriage for years.


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