I am exhausted. According to my pedometer on my watch I walked over 20 miles the last two days. I can feel it today. I did not have time to eat for the last two days except for late at night. All that just makes me tired. The good news is I slept for 10 hours. That is the first time in a long time. Probably since when I wouldn’t get out of bed because I was so depressed. That too is probably why I was tired, too much sleep.
With me being so busy these last two days I barely saw my wife. She was understand but I am sure it made things difficult. My friend who moved away a few years ago stopped by for the weekend to help me and it was great to see him. The whole time just made me feel like things were back to the way they used to be when he lived with us.
He left last night and now I feel like a huge weight has been dumped back on me. Back to reality I guess. So now what? My summer really begins. I have lots more free time and that drives me nuts. I have a hard time just relaxing. It is tough.
My mind today has been going a thousand miles an hour. I can’t focus on one thing. I get up to get a drink and I forget what is going on between here and the kitchen. It is not normal that is for sure.
Well, I mentioned my friend came and stayed the last two days with us. I believe I mentioned him before but I really think he kept our marriage together when he was around. He lived with us for about 9 months. During that time he would just flat out speak his mind. It was funny at times but others it really helped. It was just the type of person he was. If he saw one of us have a bad day, he would just ask what was going on and then after you said whatever it was he would say: ” Okay. Now stop being miserable because you are making everyone else miserable.” It also gave us time to go out more often as he would watch our kids so we got more time together. If he was not there I think this would have occurred much earlier. So having him here for a little bit brought back that happiness we used to have. My wife even commented that she was glad for it because she finally has seen the smile on me that she loves and she has not seen it for months.
Now what? All back to where we were. But it is like I got a taste of history and I am sad that I killed that off. She was happy to see him as well and I could tell how fun and relaxed she was when we were together. He was our safety net and buffer. If one of us said something stupid he would tell us that it was stupid. So it helps you relax, in a weird way. I am not sure where to go from here. We were stuck before. We have to work on finding ourselves before we move on but neither of us knows how to do that at all.
I should create a poll that can tell me how to find myself. Does anyone have any ideas? How do you know who you are? How do you find that part of yourself that is all you that is been missing for years and years?
Let me know if anyone has any ideas.
The Lorax: Which way does a tree fall?
The Once-ler: Uh, down? -Dr. Seuss